If only to brag about attending a red carpet event, we’d love to make friends with some of this year’s Oscar winners. We can just picture it now; invites to A-list parties, rubbing shoulders with the Hollywood elite, and then onto some trendy LA club where the overpriced drinks menu is carved out of ice and somebody somewhere is wearing sunglasses even though it’s pitch black. That’s when you know you’ve definitely made it in life.
Best Female to Have On Your Side in a Scrap – Patricia Arquette
The Best Supporting Actress winner gave a stirring speech when accepting her award, fighting the cause for gender equality in Hollywood. Imagine her reaction to you getting some unwanted attention from some drunken loser the next time the two of you hit a club. She’d probably smash him (or her, if you’re a bloke) over the head with her trophy and stick it where the sun don’t shine. God forbid they lose your coat in the cloak room.
Best Male for Sharing in Some Banter – JK Simmons
Most people will recognise JK as shouty newspaper editor J.Jameson from the original Spiderman trilogy. But this year’s best Supporting Actor winner has played numerous fast-foul-mouthed characters throughout his career – verbally cutting other onscreen actors down to size with his quick wit and comic delivery. We can’t imagine indulging in a little ‘friendlier’ banter with anybody funnier.
Best Best Friend Ever. Period. – Baymax (Big Hero 6)
We all wanted a robotic friend growing up. I don’t care how cool you think you were as a kid, every single one of us would have given anything for a walking, talking, animatronic best bud. Baymax from Big Hero 6 is an inflatable cyborg who just wants to help people – a little bit like the bigger brother who programmed him in the movie – and would make all other human acquaintances obsolete: “Goodbye, we’ve found ourselves the coolest mate ever!”