Did you ever see that Seinfeld episode The Summer of George? We didn’t think so, seeing as you most probably watched Friends in the 90’s. But for the handful of you who DID see it, you’ll know exactly what we mean when we say every summer can be perfectly summed up by all things you never got around to.
As for everybody else, here’s your summer perfectly summed up in 4 massive fails.
1. Do you even lift?
Every summer you tell yourself you’re going to bulk up or cut down and get shredded. Well I’m sorry, friend, but it’s not going to happen. Three weeks into the summer and you won’t have done any exercise since your last workout, which coincidently was your first workout, and also your last.
By the time October rolls around you’ll realise you haven’t gained or lost anything, you’re exactly where you were to begin with. And you’ll make it your resolution for the new year to start the entire Mobius strip (go look it up) again, and again, and again.
2. Book some time not to read
Forget about those classics you wanted to get acquainted with, you won’t even get around to cracking the spine – more like cracking open another boxset on Netflix. Instead you’ll order something from Amazon’s Most Popular List at best.
The characterisation will be terrible, the story will involve a murder/relationship/family secret told from several perspectives, tracking back and forth between two different time periods, and it will include a prologue written in the first-person. You’re better off not bothering.
3. Going nowhere
Thinking about visiting all those places you’ve always wanted to go? Well, you’ll look them up on the internet and settle for the view on Google Maps instead.
The only thing you’re going to see this summer is everybody else showing off where they’ve been, on Facebook. Maybe they’ve just got more free time than you… or maybe they have no job, unlimited funds, and more energy than you.
4. The 101 that got away
A summer romance would definitely be the highlight of your year, whether you’re currently in a relationship or not. Unfortunately this isn’t an episode of Dawson’s Creek, or a One Direction song, this is real-life and you won’t find time to meet the temporary love of your life between all those boxsets you’ll be watching and all the places you won’t be visiting.
Sure, you’ll see the potential trysts in every beautiful-looking, sweet-smelling, revealingly-dressed passer by on the sun-soaked streets, but you won’t do anything about it. You may as well be looking at other people on television.